For My First Child

She sat in the living space with her parents as her son played on the floor with his toys. She stared at her first child lovingly, feeling a sense of amazement, almost disbelief, he was her own. Her parents, present in this moment, observed in silence. Hearts full of love watching their offspring watch her first child. Generations of their descendants unfolding before their very eyes.

Her father spoke up first, have you thought of having another one? She knew the question was coming. All the grandparents have been asking. She tried to be careful when answering this question. Knowing there was an urgency for them to see their posterity.

She paused before responding while looking at her Sonshine. Then her mother spoke the most insightful words from heaven. Take your time, her mother said. I don’t understand when women have their children back to back, because it’s the first child that suffers. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about, I was that woman. Her very thoughts spoken out loud from the womb of the woman she came from. She nodded with appreciation. And finally spoke up to answer her father’s question.

Yes, dad, by the grace of God, I would like to wait till he’s closer to age three. He’s still young and in need of a lot of attention. I’m not ready for another one right now. Her father appreciated her honest answer. It was her honesty that made way for the unheard stories of her early years. She was the second child. The unexpected, and oops baby. Birthed two years apart from her first sibling. Her parents detailed years of endless sacrifices and unimaginable challenges.

A side of parenthood she has yet to experience and hopes she never has to confront. Endless lessons were taught from that one conversation. Her parents shared their perspective and this is what they taught her. Parenthood will come with surprises, setbacks, and triumphs, but it won’t break nor defeat you. It will make you into the person you were created to be. The greatest lesson in life, her parents shared with her, is the lessons taught by your children.

Pondering deeply about what they revealed to her. She realized having another child is not just about timing, pregnancy, or adding to the family. It’s about making sure your soul and spirit are healthy. Your heart, pure. Your mind, set on the purposeful vision of what your family will represent: now, tomorrow, and forevermore.

This narrative is dedicated to my first child, Micah Isaiah.

Signing Out,

October 2019

Life’s Starts and Stops

Often I hear questions from well-meaning individuals about my choice to be a fulltime caregiver. Where I come from, my choice to stay at home and take care of my son, rather than put him in daycare is not the norm. So, of course, I am not startled when I am cross-examined by people that chose differently from me. However, what I have come to realize is the concept of value is seen and experienced differently and it is in that lens I have concluded, people who are confident in themselves find no reason to judge another person’s decisions. Confident people know life is an unpredictable journey consisting of many starts and stops. Yet, within that period of time, an individual is liable to find themselves rather than lose a sense of self in the ill-advised opinions of others.

Prior to becoming a mother, I was very ambitious. I was devoted to my education and had a strong focus on building my career. I enjoyed seeing a check with my name written on it. It made me feel accomplished. Justified me as an adult, gave me a sense of purpose. And unbeknownst to me, my achievements are what I used to define me. When I became a mom, my priorities shifted. Building and maintaining a healthy, vibrant, and loving household had greater importance in my worldview.

Staying at home was not easy, especially at the beginning of motherhood. The woman I once was fought intensely with the woman I was becoming. My sense of identity became unknown to me. I had to relearn me. Introduce me to my true self. It wasn’t easy and it did not happen overnight. The greatest lesson I learned in that season of my life came from my one, nearly two-year-old son. He forced me to recognize the little girl in me. The child that was hidden behind achievements and false illusions of self-importance throughout the years. It was in the acknowledgment of me as a little girl, and spending the necessary time in hearing her pain and truths that made me able to find the adult that was struggling to grow up. I also learned so much about myself by meeting new people. In my interactions, I became aware of patterns of behaviors I never knew I exhibited. My way of thinking was challenged and change was constant with every new horizon. It was in these various exchanges I learned the deep inner workings that were happening within my soul. I was becoming new and although it was uncomfortable this newfound freedom was uplifting to me. Lastly, two of the many things that gave me comfort throughout this season of my life was my rekindled love for books and my therapeutic venture that helped me exercise my voice, writing. I became a voracious reader. I enjoyed entering new worlds through the endless treasures of words. Through this practice, my writing improved significantly and my voice articulated itself conspicuously.

What many fail to realize and will always miss when unsolicited judgments are cast, scrutinized and labeled– is everyone has moments when life starts and stops. Then a period of rest is necessary to recalibrate. Staying at home with my son is a period of recalibration, while also being an ongoing celebration of fresh starts. My fresh start is my son’s beginning. He’s growing and developing in a healthy space, because I, his mother, took the time to take care of me first. Now, I have the capacity to love him unconditionally because I finally love me. My individualized journey truly began when I made the decision to be present within myself and for my son. It is in that decision I found who I truly am. It’s not up to others to accept it, but it is their responsibility to respect it. We are all on our own process of becoming. This is me adorn in confidence and living to bask in it boldly.

Signing Out,

November 2019

Take A Breath

Just for one second consider what is underneath the surface. Before you project your weaknesses on her; take a moment, breathe. In that breath understand you two have more alike than different. Exhale, her actions are not meant to harm you. It’s bigger than you. Bigger than her. Bigger than the two of you combined.

Inhale, consider how you can help and in that action an exchange will come through. Exhale, consider her foundation was shaken. The canister of her world that brought her up to being was transmitted with right and wrong messaging. She is the sum of her experiences, but that doesn’t mean she’s resistant to change.

Breathe. Take a moment before you project your weaknesses on her- her inability to see her present reality, was your own actuality when you, too, was stone cold from seeing the truth. She is not your enemy. In expressing your thoughts towards her use your words wisely.

Inhale, consider how she is the younger version of who you use to be. She doesn’t understand love because it’s a source of great pain. Teach her by demonstrating. But, you must do it gently. Exhale, consider the times you wished you would’ve handled things differently, time is a blessing, it’s before you, through her. Yet, you can’t see her because you are focused on the wrong thing.

Breathe. Take a moment before you project your weaknesses on her. She needs love and you’re the tangible reflection of it. Your stories are intertwined. Daughters birthed through a man and woman. Sisters need each other. Take a moment and consider how your piece in her story can change generations from a life of shame, tragedy, and sorrow. Take a breath and consider…

Signing Out,

August 2019

Ageless Sages

The little girl looked at the older woman with wonder in her eyes. She wanted to be just like her: timeless, ageless, and wise. The older woman was a figure of what could be if she embraced life and dared to live it boldly. The little girl watched the older woman, while the older woman observed the little girl. Both were ageless sages reflections of a time gone by, time present, and to come. Both needed each other to grow. Both implanted in deep dark soil. Rooted and interwoven in each other’s souls.

The older woman loved the little girl’s spirit. Her will was explosive, yet not dramatic. The little girl was direct and just knew what she wanted. As they grew together, the older woman taught her how to tame it. Of course, she wanted the little girl to be comfortable in her own skin and fearless. However, the older woman knew how much better life would be if she learned to be a bit more gentle. A bit more graceful, loving, while still being truthful.

The little girl appreciated the older woman’s stillness. The older woman was masterful in the art of waiting, listening, and asking questions. The woman had this way of helping the little girl think. She never gave her answers. In her stillness, she would guide the little girl to her own revelations. And it’s in the revelations the little girl would teach the older woman, how to live it and not just hoard it for herself.

Both women are timeless. They cherish every moment. In each other, they discover hidden treasures. Treasures served as rooted reminders of the gift in learning to live and grow with one another. Treasures that shimmered in brightness the sweetness of intergenerational guidance, rather than bondage. Both women knew they needed each other in their process of becoming.

What exactly made them ageless sages? The willingness they both had in extending their life lessons to one another. The older woman knew she was still in process, therefore her wisdom came from her art of waiting, listening, and asking questions. The little girl knew years unknown were ahead of her and her sageness came from yielding, taking life in, and moving only when time permits.

Both were ageless sages reflections of a time gone by, time present, and to come. Both needed each other to grow. Both implanted in deep dark soil. Rooted and interwoven in each other’s souls.

Signing Out,

September 2019

Active Participant

There was something about her that was oddly different. She was quiet when others were loud. Perceptive while others took advantage of every moment. She was receptive, always living, hardly speaking. The way she interacted with her world, always made her seem different. But truly she was present just not in the way others would have expected.

She imagines the words cursing the air from mouths that hardly know her. Perceptions of their experience with her. Perhaps they think she’s self-righteous, narcissistic, too good for them and the collective. If only they knew she yearned to be accepted. But not at the cost of building false alliances. She would often overhear conversations filled with animations, white lies, and endless gossip. She would often find herself uncomfortably shifting in her seat. As they looked over pictures posted on social media outlets. As they pointed at every flaw with words held like daggers.

She wanted to get to know them, but not at the expense of losing herself. Not at the price of becoming someone else to please them. She just wanted to be herself. So when around them she sat calmly observing her surroundings taking in the conversations. Instead of participating in them. She gave nothing except her ears and silent breaths in their presence. She thought she was avoiding all sideshow distractions, but she was the distraction and just didn’t know it.

She did not know her silence was tainted. Just her being in their presence corrupted her already warped image. Her unspoken words made her a participant. Desecrating others without even knowing it. Why didn’t she ever speak up and challenge the naysayers? Instead, she got caught up in unwanted gossip. A valuable lesson to be learned, even the quiet ones in the crowd are active participants.

Signing Out,

August 2019

Motherhood And Its Many Transitions

The sun is up. The birds are chirping. The house is quiet. “Yes, made it,” I think to myself. I made it to 6:30 in the morning and my little human is still asleep. One of life’s rare luxuries for moms at home with their children. Quiet in the morning, instead of the morning nudge and whine of ‘ilk, please!’ (Milk, please!) Quiet doesn’t last for long. Soon, I hear his little feet smacking the floor with force. Instead of running to my room, he goes straight to the kitchen, where Daddy is making breakfast. I hear the request, “ilk, please!” Daddy pulls out the milk carton from the fridge, but it’s Almond Milk, not the Cashew Milk he’s used to drinking. The milk cart, today, is blue, not white like what he’s used to seeing. Our little human wants nothing to do with it. He turns his head, “Nooo!” Toddler tantrum ensues. There go my peace and quiet. He wouldn’t have known the difference if he never saw the container the milk was stored in. I found myself saying, Just because it looks different that doesn’t mean it’s not any good. I kept telling him this one phrase with different examples, from the plants in our garden to the pens sitting on the desk. My little boy eventually calmed down and accepted the milk from the blue container instead of the white.

Just because it looks different that doesn’t mean it’s not any good. A message for me more so than my son. How often we overlook things and say, nooo, like my toddler, before giving that very thing a chance to prove itself? My idea of motherhood prior to being a mom was a fantasy. A luxury, if I am being completely honest. I thought my little boy would just comply and be easy going. I don’t think I even considered him having a mind of his own or his indifference to the needs of anyone else. Such was the contrasting reality I found myself in when my son came home the first night from the hospital and as he grew steadily from infancy into toddlerhood.

The first year of staying at home was tough. Going from working full time and having complete autonomy of my life to being a full time caregiver was not an easy adjustment. In retrospect, I now know what made it such a tough transition. I was yearning for who I once was and my lack of acceptance in who I was becoming. I could now look back and say, I was not in the best state emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I was living in a state of hibernation. It was the shifting of the seasons that helped me learn how to breathe again. I started putting myself out there, meeting new people and just trying, daily to be at my best. The challenge of being at my best became my driving force to embracing my present stage in life. In that process of becoming, I leaned on God more than I ever had before. I recognized the vastness of God’s love for me as a child and his position as a father. HIS grace is sufficient for me as I transfer the same grace to my little one.

For moms at home with young children: please remember, your kids are seasonal. They are growing so fast and will one day be independent of you. Learn to cherish the time at home with them. Their little hearts need mom to be at her best. Mom in her fullness is the gift to young souls developing in their wholeness. Whatever your best is for you, it could look different, but that doesn’t mean its not any good.

Signing Out,

August, 2019

Cycles of Expansion

When you go through hard times don’t run from it. She looked intensely into my eyes, pausing ever so slightly, for me to get the message she was sending my way.

Child, do all that you can to endure and sit in the trial. Make sure you look around. Be aware of what your environment is trying to tell you. Because, in the end, it’s not what you went through that determines your ability to withstand in times of trouble. It’s not what you learned through the time of the storm. It’s how you expand as a person. It’s how you blossom into your purpose. It’s how you are able to handle the turning; in order to be revived again. The expansion revolves around the how.

I looked at the older woman, amazed at her wisdom. She was thirty-two years my senior. In her words, there was a knowing of approaching hard times. There was a self that was once resistant to change but had no choice to embrace it. There was a peace that kept her turning back to the source of her being. She knew who she was, and understood her becoming. She looked at me- me in the distance- and shared her stories of ultimate prudence in the stages of uncomfortable places.

I mulled over her words, accepting her insight. What stood out to me the most was her word choice, expanding. She made me think of an elastic rubber band. Life has a way of stretching its subjects. The subject must know its limit or it will break under pressure.

In other words, my present stage in life is seasonal. It’s exhausting, yet rewarding. It’s time consuming, yet time spent building. It’s long term, not short term. It’s groundbreaking, root bearing, and fruit blossoming. My stage is filled with phases of expanding and breaking. There will be challenges. There will be celebrations.

I must learn to be comfortable in it ALL to keep growing in my expansion. Who I am today, determines who I will be in the future. Who I am in the future is rooted in who I am today. A life cycle is never-ending. Its a rotation that keeps on spinning. Choosing to expand in trials is accepting prudence as a friend and leaving foolishness straggling in the rear. My last words to you today…Child, expand!

Signing Out,


August 2019

A Woman Named Sajez

Phenomenally written! Check this poet out, JosiahSpeaks!

Josiah Speaks

By Micah Josiah

She cooks.
She makes breakfast
at the rise of the sun.
Calling me from my sleep
to come see what she’s done.

The fresh scent of bread,
coffee, fruit, eggs
persuades me to arise.
For I know in her eyes
there is life.

There is light
overcoming my night.
Making dark days bright
when I meet her.

No one can compete her.
No one can compare.
She is rare.

Not easily found but she’s there.
She’s everywhere.

She looks ordinary.
Her ways are simple
but her soul’s extraordinary.

Many look past her,
they pass her
preferring the ones a bit faster.
Easier to grasp.
Easier to hold.
Not knowing her purity is pure gold,
and her beauty
never, ever gets old.

She knows patience is a virtue
and Wisdom is a virgin.
Her timing is perfect
and her heart is discerning.

Her womb, the source of life.

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Embracing Year 32!

Today is my 32nd birthday! I’m grateful for another year in life. Beyond blessed to have a beautiful family. A husband and son who is indeed a tangible reflection of God’s love for me. Extended family members and close friends who uplift me as well as roots me. Today, I am filled with gratitude. My heart is full. Year 32 is special because it’s the year I finally feel like I’m coming into my own.

Year 30: I conveniently was thirty weeks pregnant with my son and living in a foreign country. Year 31: was the year of adjusting, transitioning, and quiet. Year 32 I’m entitling: the year the wildflower blossomed and finding peace despite the circumstances.

Today was a day of reflection for me. I will write the top ten lessons that aided me along this journey in becoming.

  1. Trust God and let him trust you. You have what it takes to make the right decision. Take time to dig deep and the treasure will reveal itself.
  2. Time is a blessing, not at all a curse. The art of waiting is a virtue, filled with life lessons that keep your soul true.
  3. The mountains and valleys of life are filled with wisdom hidden beyond the peaks and lows. Stand still and learn from them. Do not run away!
  4. Document your process, there is beauty in looking back and witnessing first hand your growth.
  5. Give voice to your words, remember your just a small piece to a bigger story.
  6. Do not hoard life lessons for yourself others can benefit from your insight.
  7. Before opening your mouth to say anything first LISTEN to what is being said. Don’t be afraid to take your time processing information before speaking.
  8. There is beauty in obscurity. Hold on to NOTHING!
  9. Speak your truth and speak it boldly. No one knows your story as you know it. Stop allowing others to define your identity.
  10. Make space for the child deep within to speak. There is a voice that shouts above the currents. Yet, your adult self can’t hear it, too consumed by destructive forces. Breath, unpack the baggage. Purge out its contents. Relieved now you can stand straight. The child released from its seed and the adult sprouts up free.

Signing Out,

September 2019